Ditch the guilt and try this instead

Ever sent an email that basically says:

‘I’m disappointed in you… but in a “professional” way”’?

We all have.

It usually comes out something like:

‘I’m not sure if you received my previous emails…’

(Oh, they did.)

‘As per my previous emails…’

(Yes, yes, they get it.)

‘URGENT: Please review the attached ASAP!!!’

(And now they’re fuming.)

You hit send feeling pretty darn pleased with yourself. You’ve been clear. Direct. Firm.

And then… nothing. No reply. No action. Just crickets...

Why?

Your email just piled guilt onto an already not-great situation.

And guilt trips have a funny effect on people. They don’t spur them into action – they just make them want to avoid the source of the discomfort… which, unfortunately, is YOU.

Think about it. Guilt doesn’t stop us eating that fudge brownie – it just makes us feel bad while we’re eating it.

And it’s the same with your colleague. They already know they haven’t replied.

Your third nudge doesn’t make them suddenly jump into action – it just makes them want to avoid you at the coffee machine and ignore your Teams messages.

So what should you do instead?

If you want people to actually respond (and not resent you), try this:

1) Wipe the slate clean

No passive-aggressive callbacks to ‘previous emails.’ Just write a fresh message as if you’re contacting them for the first time. It immediately avoids a guilt trip.

2) Give them a reason to engage

We’re far more likely to act when we understand why something matters and why a particular the deadline is important.

Try:

‘You have insights into this data that no one else has, so I’d really value your advice.’

And:

‘If we can finalise this by Thursday, we can get it to the client ahead of their big meeting next week.’

Now you’ve made it easier for people to act, because they understand both the value and the urgency.

And if you don’t, I’ll try not to take it personally… or send you a chaser titled:

Just floating this to the top of your inbox in case it got buried beneath the crushing weight of your life choices.

Too much?

Exactly.