The best way to get help at work

I’m terrible at remembering to take gifts to people’s houses.

Which is why I’ve spent far too many panicked evenings in petrol stations, desperately searching a bottle of wine that won’t take the enamel off my host’s teeth.

It’s not that I don’t care.

It’s just that I forget until I’m seven minutes away and already late.

But oh boy – at work, we do the communication equivalent all the time.

We turn up empty-handed.

We ask people to help, advise, approve, decide, respond, fix, find, check or chase, without showing we’ve done any of the work first.

And that’s where reciprocity comes in.

One of Robert Cialdini’s classic principles of influence is that people are more likely to give if they’ve already received something.

But the gift doesn’t have to be a bottle of wine, flowers or a kidney.

It can be effort.

“I’ve found five of the six things we need. Could you help with the last one?”

“I’ve drafted the first version. Could you sense-check the recommendation?”

“I’ve narrowed it to two options. Which would you choose?”

“I’ve answered the obvious questions. The only thing I’m stuck on is X.”

This approach works because you’re not dumping a whole problem in someone’s lap and hoping they’ll sort it out. You’re:

• reducing their cognitive load (they know where to start)

• making the ask feel smaller

• showing your judgment (critical for building trust)

• making it easy for them to help

And yes, it might take a bit longer upfront. Annoyingly, irritatingly longer. I know.

But the lazy ask is a false economy. It creates pointless back-and-forth, confusion, chasing and that butt-clenching moment when someone senior replies:

“Sorry, what exactly do you need from me?”

Yikes.

So do the hard work before the ask.

Turn up with something.

People are much more likely to help when you’re not standing on the doorstep empty-handed.