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The pilot trick to stop emotional emails

Kim Arnold

Updated: 1 day ago


I recently saw the brilliant neuroscientist, Dr Helena Boschi, speak at a conference.


She made us do an agonising exercise of drawing the person next to us. (I made my neighbour look like Shrek – thank goodness he had a sense of humour.)


But what she said got me thinking.


She explained how speed is often our enemy when it comes to communication:


‘Reactive is not the same as responsive.’


Isn’t that the truth?


Reactive may be quick, but it’s also often ill-thought-through.


Responsive can still be fast, but it’s considered and helpful too.


So how do we make sure we’re responsive, not reactive?


Boschi advises taking a tip from airline pilots. As part of their training, they’re taught a quick technique to use if all hell breaks out in the cockpit.


The first thing they must do is push their chair back.


Such a tiny thing, but the physical movement gives them just enough pause to be able to think more clearly.


It’s the same technique used in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to deal with anxiety.


If we’re feeling anxious, we need to:


DO something physical (box breathing, get a glass of water etc.).


THEN we’re calm enough to deal effectively with difficult thoughts and feelings.


So my challenge to you is this:


What’s your signature move going to be?


Receive a brusque email from your boss? Perhaps you’ll fetch a snack before you think about the best way to tackle it (if at all).


Open a message from a client with a long list of complaints? Maybe you’ll close your eyes and wiggle your toes before you carefully choose the right response.


Get an annoying ‘as per my last email’ chaser from a colleague? You could take your dog for a quick walk before deciding on the most effective approach.


As for me? If I’m in my home office, I stroke my cat, Dusty.


(Studies show petting animals for just ten minutes a day reduces cortisol, our stress hormone.


Also he’s typically lying across my keyboard anyway, yowling.)


Let me know your move!

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