Listening isn’t just for meetings – do it in your inbox too

There’s nothing worse than trying to talk to someone who clearly isn’t listening.

That party guest looking over your shoulder while you pour your heart out about your beloved hamster.

The colleague checking their phone under the table while you’re giving your all to the Q4 update.

It feels rude and disrespectful.

But occasionally we come across a really good listener.  

You know the ones. They ask great questions. They lean in and nod while you’re speaking. They prompt you to keep talking with a wholesome ‘Tell me more.’

They make you feel warm inside – heard and understood. And you feel you can trust them.

But most of our communication isn’t face-to-face anymore. It’s written. And you’ve probably never been shown how to listen over email.

So here are three techniques to give your emails ears and show people you’re paying attention.

1. Send holding emails (a.k.a. digital reassurance)

A simple:

‘Thanks – I’ve got this. I’m at a conference today, but I’ll have everything to you by the end of the week. I’ll shout if I have any questions before then.’

Senior stakeholders love getting messages like these – you’ve just eased their cognitive load. They don’t need to monitor that task any more because you’ve got this.  

2. Mirror their priority

Start your email with their end goal:

‘I understand getting the board pack out on time is a big priority – I’ll do everything I can to make that happen.’

Show you’ve heard and understand their urgency and their priorities.

3. Reference your last conversation (like an actual human)

Skip my personal nemesis, ‘I hope you’re well’, and instead try:

‘I really appreciated your point in yesterday’s meeting about AI and inclusion.’

or

‘It sounded like you were juggling a lot – have things eased up?’

It's a classic example of show not tell. You’re proving you’re listening, not just saying you are.

So try these three small shifts and see what happens to your virtual relationships. And of course, keep me posted – I’m all ears!